Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sorry my hands just texted you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
