Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
