JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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