I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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