youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
