He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
