If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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