one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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