No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
