I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
