I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
