You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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