That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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