I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
