Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
