All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
