I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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