The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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