And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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