I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
