i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
