How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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