I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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