I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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