My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Too much gin, very little bucket
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
