apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
