I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
