Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
