Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
