I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is Oprah even human
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
