i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
