hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
