I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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