You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
