I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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