I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
