sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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