i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize