she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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