just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
