so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
