maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
