I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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