my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
