Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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