I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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