u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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