Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
