wat bout pragnant strippers??
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
