even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
