WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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