i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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