You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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