rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
