Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
