Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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