This is not my ceiling
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
