mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
