these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
