im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
