Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
