I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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