When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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