He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
