Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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