I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
