we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize