i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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