By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
