They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
