I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize