my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
