I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
