I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
