i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
