Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
