Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
