This is not my ceiling
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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