id be glad to
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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