oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
