respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
