Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this beer tastes like vomit already
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
