I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
