you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize