Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
