Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just saw a hot homeless man
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
