You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
