This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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