Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
