Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
