you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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