is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize