Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
