This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
