Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
