I'm sorry my penis didn't work
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How external is "for external use only"?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
