He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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