Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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