I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
