Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
